Many of you might have seen my picture at one point. Blonde, pouty lips, voluptuous body. Since I’ve entered showbiz, I’ve been glorified into a sex icon and have always been hailed as the “Most Desired Woman”. And yet my life ended in tragedy. All alone, in my Hollywood mansion.
Tragedy has always been a constant in my life. My dad left us, my mom was psychologically unstable, I was shipped to different foster homes. From when I was young til the time that I left the living, I only craved for the one thing I was always deprived of: Love.
Yes, everyone loved me, worshipped me, adored me. But this love is blinded and not pure and genuine. It’s not like the love a mother has for her children, ferocious in protecting them. It’s not like the love a child has for his parents, where they are their entire world. It’s not like the love a man has for his woman, where a single look silences all the apprehensions and insecurities she has. I’ve never had this.
I thought I did. Countless times I thought I did. But I always ended up the same way I always have been: heartbroken.
I have loved so many men. But they never gave me the kind of love I always dreamed of. It frustrated me to no end. I was Marilyn Monroe. But how come even with a title such as “Most Desired Woman”, I’ve always felt so unwanted?
As I pondered on the life I’ve lived, I now know why. It was because I was seeking for love in all the wrong places. It wasn’t with riches, it wasn’t with fame, and DEFINITELY it wasn’t with men. I should have started seeking for love in the most obvious place. I should’ve looked for it in myself.
Darlings, no one will ever love you if you don’t love yourself. Even though everyone thought I was perfect, deep inside I’ve always felt I was unworthy. And in feeling this way, many have decided I was so. To name a few, I’ve loved Arthur, Joe and a certain Kennedy, desperate for them to love me the same way. But they all left me.
Learning to love yourself is one of the most cliché lines ever, but it is also the best and truest advice. If you can’t love and accept all parts of you, what makes you think others will? Trying to find someone who you think will fill in all the gaps is just a recipe for disaster. You will never complete yourself by being only half of yourself and expecting someone else to complete you. It’s dysfunctional and will only lead to both of your destructions.
I am Marilyn Monroe, most desired and yet I don’t want it. All I wanted was to be able to do what I love while living with a man that I love and who loves me. But I was too late.
It’s not too late for you though. Don’t look for love and adoration in all the wrong places. You have to look for it within yourself. And sweethearts, don’t let men (or women) rule your life. You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.
Believer of true love even if I never got it,